Netflix’s “You” Glamourises Abuse, Obsession and Stalking- Yet We Call It Entertainment.
With the long-awaited season 5 of the Netflix hit, You, arriving, the ever-growing concern of Hollywood’s glamorisation of unhealthy obsession within romantic relationships cannot be avoided. And we need to talk about it.
Look, I get it. Without sounding like a hypocrite, I, too, am a sucker for the TV thriller, eyes avidly glued to my screen with a sweet treat in hand. In a nutshell: the series follows Penn Badgley undertaking the role of Joe Goldberg, a charmingly handsome yet sadistic serial killer who confuses love with lust, devotion with obsession and care with control. It’s one of Hollywood’s many addictive yet detrimental creations that capitalises, trivialises, and perhaps even encourages toxic romance and stalking. Goldberg falls victim to the tall, dark, and handsome trope – poor guy! Blinding us to the alarmingly luminous red flags he proudly waves. Amassing millions of viewers who sympathise with the serial killer, leading us to question how such TV series are affecting our own psyches and judgement within modern dating culture.
The series blurs the fine, and essential, line between being romantically enamoured and unhealthily obsessed. Alas, our fascination with fictional stalkers and serial killers does not reflect onto our understanding of the tangible threat that stalking poses. Unhealthy obsession can creep up on both victim and perpetrator subtly and gradually, often downplayed and mocked as a form of flattery. The lustful reaction to Goldberg creates a subliminal narrative within our society that the breaking of personal, and physical, boundaries within relationships is not just acceptable but romantic. With the media’s warped portrayal of stalking, is it shocking that society is letting down victims through choosing ignorance instead of empathy?
Of course, any adult with a fully formed frontal lobe can separate fiction from reality; AKA be able to watch a TV series about a stalker without feeling the need to stalk or be stalked within our own life. However, exposing young people’s minds to such heightened desensitisation of abuse risks warping their perceptions of future romantic relationships. Easily influenced and desperate to jump into the disorientating dating world, young viewers mimic what they see on their screens. Unscathed and unseen, Goldberg avoids punishment or consequence, as he slithers through the murky waters of relationships, ready to strike again. The perpetrator’s lack of accountability and apparent invincibility, sends a disturbing message of passivity and tolerance to young women. This image projects a sexualisation of Goldberg that deepens the glorification of violence within romantic relationships- as one watcher tweeted, ‘Wish Joe Goldberg would fixate me and murder me in my sleep’. Alongside mainstream pornography falsely depicting sexual violence as sexy and desirable, our misogynistic culture is constantly striving to silence and deprive women of our power and dignity. If young people are observing such prolific abuse being forgiven and forgotten by a façade of good looks, charm and humanity– how will a societal shift in attitude ever take place?
Alongside Hollywood’s reckless productions of unhealthy obsession, we must also acknowledge the introduction of tracking apps, such as Snapchat’s 2017 feature- the infamous Snap Map. The easy access into tracking our contacts location in real time appeals to our inherently nosy human nature- and who can blame us? Yet like Frankenstein’s monster, if unregulated, the beast of social media can become unmanageable and overpowering, inevitably turning against us. Although, of course, there are safety benefits if used responsibly, the temptation to abuse and misuse tracking apps are undeniable. When explaining- multiple times in multiple ways- the concept of Snap Maps to my parents, they were appalled at the unnatural and dystopian new pair of eyes watching our every move.
Profiting off our anxiety and attachment issues, social media has normalised intensive digital surveillance- yet when does harmlessly checking your crush’s location become too much? The constant access into someone’s every move, whether an ex-partner or potential romantic partner, can become addictive and dangerous. Whilst choosing to go ‘ghost mode’ can increase a watcher’s paranoia and obsession, the limits of online stalking can easily progress to physical stalking. When does not-quite-accidentally bumping into someone at a coffee shop become unsafe and unnatural (queue Oliver from Saltburn). If in the wrong hands, when does harmless location glancing become an obsessive habit? Ultimately, our online spaces are increasingly feeling unsafe and penetrable to unwanted eyes. The Snap-Map is just another example of social media’s glistening and overspilling treasure chest of personal information open to all.
As we are bombarded with multiple forms of media eager to glamorise abuse, encourage unhealthy obsession and glorify stalking- it’s no wonder that violence against women is reaching epidemic magnitudes. But don’t get me wrong, I am not saying to boycott You– after all, we can’t blame the show’s creator’s or Badgley’s slithering smile for an issue embedded far deeper within society. Rather, with awareness, regulation, and open discussions, can we truly commit to gender equality whilst fantasising over Hollywood’s rose-coloured glasses concerning unhealthy romantic relationships?