How Spicy BookTok Pushed Me To End My 8 Year Situationship (And Revealed Multiple New Fantasies)

by | Jul 16, 2024 | LIFESTYLE | 0 comments

I have often found myself delving into the deep realms of TikTok. I enjoy fridge organising, rug cleaning and even farrier content. One certain category that I try and avoid, due to the fact it takes up too much brain space is the spicy book category on TikTok.

Despite my attempts to steer clear, I inevitably stumbled upon Spicy BookTok. This subset of TikTok is a treasure trove of recommendations for romance novels filled with steamy scenes and tumultuous relationships. Initially, I was resistant. How could reading about fictional characters in absurdly dramatic situations possibly relate to my own life? But, as I would soon discover, these tales held a mirror up to my reality.

For eight years, I was entangled in a situationship with a man who I’ll call Erik. Our relationship was defined by late-night texts, sporadic meet-ups, and unfulfilled promises. Despite the longevity of our connection, it was clear that Erik was never going to fully commit to me. I clung to the hope that one day he would see the value in what we had, but that day never came.

It wasn’t until I got sucked into the world of spicy books that I had a moment of clarity. As I devoured tales of headstrong heroines and their determined lovers, I began to see my own worth in a new light. One book, in particular, struck a chord with me: the story of Elena Abelli and Nicolas Russo, the head of the New York mafia. In this fictional world, even a ruthless mob boss could recognise the value of a meaningful connection, going so far as to gift his love a whole carouse on their wedding night.

I found myself questioning why I was settling for less in my own life. If a mafia boss could prioritise his relationship, why was I accepting so little from Erik? These characters, despite their unrealistic and sometimes laughable circumstances, highlighted a fundamental truth: I deserved more than I was getting. Reading about Elena and Nicolas made me realize that my situation with Erik was never going to change. I had been waiting for him to offer me a commitment that was never going to come. These books, with their explicit content and dramatic plot twists, may have been poorly written in some cases, but they were a catalyst for my epiphany.

Spicy BookTok, with its endless stream of recommendations and discussions, became an unexpected source of empowerment for me. It gave me the push I needed to finally end my eight-year situationship. I realised that I deserved to be with someone who was willing to commit to me fully, not someone who kept me on the sidelines.

 

 

Breaking things off with Erik was a hard decisions, especially given the history and time commitment, but in the end, it was also the most liberating decision I made. I am now open to new possibilities and relationships where I am valued and cherished. So, while spicy books may not be high literature, they played a crucial role in my journey to self-discovery and self-worth.

In the end, I owe a lot to Spicy BookTok. It was through these books that I found the strength to demand more for myself and to finally let go of a relationship that was holding me back. Here’s to hoping that one day, I’ll find my own version of Nicolas Russo, who sees me as worthy of a carousel and so much more.

Spicy BookTok has also unveiled a multitude of fantasies I never realized I had. It all began one gloomy London afternoon when I found myself entranced by Orlando Bloom, drenched in rain, swinging from a ship’s mast in “Pirates of the Caribbean.” Mesmerized, I rushed home and devoured the entire eight-hour saga, becoming utterly hooked (pun intended). This newfound obsession, of course, led me to TikTok, where I spent countless hours admiring edits of Bloom with a dirty rag tied around his head, igniting my fascination with pirates. Before pirates, my fantasies revolved around mafia bosses with their tough exteriors and hidden soft sides, and prior to that, the allure of dating a superior at work—a fantasy I regretfully experienced firsthand with disastrous results. Following the pirate phase, a flight gave me the perfect opportunity to dive into “The Longest Ride,” and after watching it twice in two days, I found myself on TikTok again, this time searching for bull riders and cowboys. I now fully understand Bella Hadid’s attraction to her rugged, sexy cowboy—there’s something irresistibly captivating about men in leather trousers and big belt buckles.

Spicy BookTok, with its captivating recommendations and vibrant community, turned out to be more than just a fun place to find new and exciting reads. It became a surprising source of empowerment and self-discovery for me. Through these stories, I learned to value myself and recognize what I truly deserve in a relationship. While the books may be filled with dramatic plot twists and fantastical scenarios, they provided me with the clarity and courage to end an unfulfilling eight-year situationship. Now, I am embracing new possibilities and relationships where I am valued and cherished. Spicy BookTok has not only enriched my reading list but also helped me explore different fantasies, from pirates to cowboys, allowing me to dream bigger and aim higher in my own life.

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