A growing trend dubbed “parallel living” is straining modern relationships, according to relationship coach Steffo Shambo, founder of Tantric Academy.
Google Trends data shows increasing interest in the phenomenon over the past five years, with research suggesting technology is at the heart of the problem. A 2019 survey by Privilege Home Insurance revealed that UK couples spend four times longer looking at screens than looking at each other.
Shambo explains:
“Parallel living has couples sharing physical space while being in separate mental spaces. They might be in the same room for hours without any meaningful exchange or eye contact.”
Instead of connecting through conversation or shared experiences, couples often sit side by side, absorbed in separate screens. Shambo warns that many don’t notice the emotional distance until it’s too late.
Spotting the Signs
According to Shambo, one of the clearest red flags is when conversations happen without eye contact. Partners may talk while scrolling through social media or watching TV, but meaningful connection is lost.
Mealtimes are another key indicator. Eating together while streaming different shows or browsing on separate devices means missing valuable opportunities to bond. Over time, communication becomes purely functional—focused on chores and schedules rather than deeper emotional sharing.
How to Break the Cycle
1. Make Screen-Free Spaces
“Keep your dinner table phone-free,” Shambo advises. He suggests reserving the dining area and bedroom as spaces dedicated to connection. By creating these boundaries, couples can reclaim moments that strengthen intimacy.
2. Be Fully Present
Even simple household tasks can become meaningful bonding opportunities. Cooking or washing dishes together without distractions fosters closeness. Shambo emphasises:
“Fifteen minutes of full focus creates more intimacy than hours spent physically together but mentally apart.”
3. Look at the Bigger Picture
Parallel living doesn’t just affect couples—it can also influence the next generation. Children who grow up in households where adults rarely engage meaningfully may adopt the same habits in their future relationships.
“Children learn relationship skills by watching their parents,” Shambo says. “Parallel living can create a cycle that’s passed on to the next generation.”
A Call to Action
Shambo believes couples caught in the cycle can turn things around with small but consistent changes. Putting phones away at dinner, making time to share highlights of the day, and prioritising undistracted moments of connection can rebuild emotional intimacy.
“Parallel living represents a modern relationship challenge that will likely only get worse unless you make a change,” he warns. “Couples who address these patterns early have a better shot at keeping the relationship strong.”
